The Canadian government spent thousands of dollars to fund stage productions where seniors in other countries share their sex stories in front of live audiences. 

The bill totals $12,520.

Each performance features a hand-picked group of geriatrics recounting true sexual experiences, including “first time, best time, worst time, last time.”

The Canadian Taxpayers Federation learned of the kinky funding initiative after obtaining internal government records through an access-to-information request.

“When Canadian parents told their children to listen to their elders, I don’t think this is what they had in mind,” said Franco Terrazzano, CTF Federal Director. “This sounds like a really expensive game of ‘Never Have I Ever.’”

The show, called “All the Sex I’ve Ever Had,” was created by the Toronto-based arts group Mammalian Diving Reflex in 2010. It remains in production to this day. 

MDR received funding from a little-known federal slush fund controlled by Global Affairs Canada, officially called the Mission Cultural Fund. 

That money funded trips to Vienna, Austria, Melbourne, Australia and Taipei City, Taiwan, where the MDR team organized stage performances of “All The Sex I’ve Ever Had.” 

In the summer of 2019, MDR flew to Taipei City five weeks before the scheduled performance to handpick a group of seniors and prepare them for their big night on the stage. 

The production, which cost taxpayers $4,000, was pitched as a “socially engaging project that promotes Canadian values in freedom of speech and tolerance of society, [sic].”

In 2017, taxpayers funded two performances of “All the Sex I’ve Ever Had” – the first in Vienna, costing $2,981, the second in Melbourne, at a price tag of $5,539. The funding for the Vienna production also included the cost of a performance entitled “Haircuts by Children.”

“I’d like to meet the person who thought paying for seniors to relive their sex lives in front of a live audience in another country is a good use of Canadian tax dollars,” Terrazzano said. “How do sex stories from seniors in other countries promote Canada?”

The MCF was launched in 2016 with an annual budget of $1.75 million and a mandate to “promote our artists abroad while advancing foreign policy priorities.” 

Records obtained by the CTF show that the MCF has been consistently overbudget – overspending by an average of about $2 million annually during its first three years.

This is also not the first time that MCF funding initiatives have raised eyebrows. 

In 2019, the MCF gave $8,813.70 to the Canadian artist Peaches, to fund a multi-media art exhibit in Hamburg, Germany, with the provocative title “Whose Jizz Is This?” 

The exhibit featured sculptures, prints, videos and an eclectic cast of giant sex toys dubbed “the Fleshies,” which were mechanized and turned into water fountains.

“First we learned of the so-called art show in Germany featuring giant sex toys, and now we’re learning taxpayers are also on the hook for these weird stage productions where seniors share sex stories,” Terrazzano said. “What on earth is going on at Global Affairs Canada?” 

The CTF has been calling for the abolition of the MCF since 2020. 

In August 2021, the government released the results of a review, which found the MCF lacked a “formal governing structure” and featured “unclear roles and responsibilities.” 

“Here’s a novel idea: maybe the government lays off the sex shows until it pays down the $1-trillion debt?” Terrazzano said.