Pop quiz: name five ministers in Jean Chretien's Cabinet and their respective portfolios. All right, there's Paul Martin in Finance, Allan Rock in Health, Stephane Dion in Intergovernmental Affairs and - uhh, Sheila Copps in uhh - and .. oh yeah, that APEC guy, umm Andy Scott, oops, he's been turfed- oh, did I mention Paul Martin

Compared to Brian Mulroney, who shuffled his Cabinets more often than most people brush their teeth, Chretien has stuck with the same group of ministers for over five years. But most Canadians would probably stumble and stutter (see above) when pressed to name five federal Cabinet ministers.

The current crop of ministers is, arguably, one of the weakest Cabinets in Canadian history. The word most often used to describe their collective performance is mediocre. But this mediocre bunch has been quietly sucking billions of dollars out of our wallets as they toil in obscurity in the nation's capital.

Paul Martin, Minister of Finance. Paul is the best of this weary bunch. To his credit, he balanced our books - the first Finance Minister in 28 years to achieve such a feat. But this victory comes with a cost. The books were balanced on the backs of taxpayers and thanks to bracket creep (the non-indexation of tax brackets) Paul Martin has raised taxes every single year since 1993. The body count includes 3.5 million Canadian taxpayers (almost 900,000 Canadian families) who have been sucked on to the tax rolls or into higher tax brackets since 1992. A mediocre performance for sure.

Alfonso Gagliano, Minister of Public Works and Government Services. The Auditor General (AG) found that Gagliano's department let over $1.4 billion worth of government work go the sole-source route. This means no competition and a big question mark whether we received value for dollar. But then again, this is the same Gagliano who is responsible for renovations to Parliament Hill. Originally estimated at $425 million the AG now estimates the final bill will be, hold on to your hats, a minimum of $1.4 billion. Can you say mediocre

John Manley, Minister of Industry. A corporate lawyer and former Chair of the Ottawa-Carleton Board of Trade, Manley comes to Cabinet with a solid pedigree. But, as mom always said, don't judge a book its cover. Manley (the Minister of Corporate Welfare) recently spoke out in favour of high taxes. He told the National Post that high taxes encourage innovation. Come again, John To categorize such an outburst as mediocre is way too generous!

Anne McLellan, Minister of Justice. Bill C-68, you know, the gun control bill, will cost taxpayers billions. The feds have tried to hide almost a billion dollars in various departments, from Industry to Justice to the Office of the Solicitor General as they struggle to implement this flawed bill. Reducing crime is one thing but treating law abiding gun owners like common criminals and wasting a billion dollars of hard-earned taxpayer bucks in the process is reprehensible.

Finally we come to Sheila Copps, Minster of Canadian Heritage. The AG found that one-third of the multicultural funding Heritage doles out is questionable. And as of January 1, 1999, Canadians will be dinged with a tax on blank tapes and CDs because Sheila thinks we're all criminals. Every time we buy a blank tape we must be illegally recording something. Too bad she forgot about churches, parents and business groups who buy tapes for valid reasons. But then again, mediocre has always been Sheila's middle name.

Ultimately Cabinet is a reflection of the talents and leadership of the man who put them there, Prime Minister Jean Chretien. It's quite depressing when you think about it - pass the egg nog please, I need a drink.