Doug Kerr, a CTF supporter, is a writer in Courtenay, B.C., and sent me the following blog post he churned out after reading that Canada’s military was working on putting cameras on dogs. (You can’t make this stuff up.) It made me chuckle, and Doug agreed to let us post it here. His blog can be found at raincoastvisuals.blogspot.ca.  

Doggy Cam

I see in the paper today that the, Dept. of National Defence, has put out a tender for twelve canine wearable vests and camera combinations. Why was  my first thought, "How much is this going to cost and how long will it take to decide on a product?"

The specifications call for something that can record and send the images remotely to a handler, a depth range of one meter for up to and hour, (however unless the dog is in puppy scuba gear I really don't see the point) a temperature range of minus 20 to plus 49, basically like a trip from Nunavut to Vegas in the summer time, and night vision capability.

The vest was not described, although I suppose it would be good if it were bullet proof and adaptable to a variety of applications through the addition of webbing and clips.

Once the selection committee, (there is always a committee) has decided on the finalists in the tender request, then the real action will begin. Many questions need to be answered, eating up masses of money and giving a number of military and civilian bureaucrats a reason for being.

First question, will the camera and vest have any Canadian content? If the answer is no, then a decision has to be made on whether or not one of the competing groups can re-invent the wheel and build it in Canada. If the answer to this is yes, then they must determine if the package can be made in Quebec. If the answer is yes, then the committee needs to decide how much money needs to be spent on infrastructure and tax abatement in order to allow the new company to take two to three years to develop a prototype, which will require at least 100 to 200 changes before and after development.

This process will cost somewhere around 400 to 500 thousand dollars, not including salaries and benefits for 25 designers, technicians, tactical advisors, executives, cafeteria staff, and the guy who sweeps the floor.

Once the prototype has been approved, then rigorous training and testing will have to take place. This usually takes another year and involves some 50 or more changes to the original design.

At this point, just before final approval, a Senator or MP will be charged with influence peddling or lobbying on behalf of the company that makes the camera, or vest or components of either. They will be called on to resign and a commission of enquiry will be established at a cost of say, 2500.00 a day. The commission will take 18 months to reach a conclusion, having spent a boatload of taxpayer cash, while the dogs who are to wear the camera/vest combo get old and have hip problems.

The member of parliament will refuse to resign saying that he/she has done nothing wrong which will later be proved a lie, and that member will be investigated by the RCMP who will come to no conclusion after a fifteen month investigation that costs  around 280 thousand dollars.

New dogs will now have to be purchased and trained as the original dogs are starting to die off. Technology has advanced requiring the company that made the original camera/vest combination to move into a re-design phase that will require more space, employees and tax breaks.

The cost now for twelve wearable dog camera /vest combinations - most likely  2 million nine hundred thousand dollars.

Uh oh, the current government is defeated in the election. The new government wants a complete review of all the procurement programs and decides to cancel the dog camera/vest tender. They will resurrect it about two years into their mandate, and begin the process again.

There are products available right now. It's called Go Pro, $379.00. People ski, surf, scuba dive, jump out of planes, run into fires, attach them to guns and cannons, and take them to bachelor parties. The ballistic vest, take your pick they are all around 850 bucks. A little tweaking on the webbing and we could just get on with it, but that's not the Canadian way, is it.